Allowing myself to exist is like allowing all my walls to come tumbling down, as if they were never built. Like my intentions were to stall the growth of the women who I am to become. Finding the truth through losing control and biting the truth because fully admitting our wrongs means you have to go back and retry.
Hiding from the truth only caused further damages that you tried to replenish…..all these wrongs converted to rights for once this time and yet nothing sets well- your still unleveled.
If only they could touch my mind… clear the pain that still resides, hear my soul cry out for help as my knees cave into my chest.
Dam look at this mess, where’s the pills to clean up this shit?
Every single moment your telling yourself you’ll be alright, the pill should be kicking in as you stare at the problem from the other end… waiting for revenge. You found a way out only for it to attack again once the sedation worn its course. Your back to being the victim.
You just can’t win, there’s no such thing in finding a way – Losing your mind is part of this game but wait when did life become an obsession to want to exist without this incurable diagnosis.
There’s no such thing in walking away when it insist on ruining your everyday. These chains only you can feel weighing you down, the only view the outside can see is you struggling to make ends meet .
How do you explain something that’s out of your hand… when underestimated you still feel blind- Does it matter that you drew a line?
Crazy how you wrapped me around your finger, perhaps me fighting this last time you’ll see that I refuse to throw the towel in.
Anxiety you thought you’d be the death of me- never hated you the way I do right now
Never wanted anything more than to roll out bed and resume the life I had before you strolled my way. Its not like I can call you up and say I quit because life was never intended for shortcuts but I think 2 years has been long enough- Please make your way out so I can fulfill what’s left of me while I still have the energy .
Sincerely,
The girl you have been trying to control
“I’m becoming a better me, so that loving me is easier & not a struggle”
Cee+Ya+Lata Til Next Time 